find your truest, most authentic self, before your environment shoved you into a shrinking glass box with no holes. You must do some soul searching and energetic shifting to make way for your childlike self to come forward. You are meant to be yourself, and today I’m here to shed light on the ways we disconnect from who we are and how you can begin your adventure back home. Home to your center and your truth, so you can stop putting on masks and just be who the fuck you really are!

Why We Lose Our Authentic Selves: The Unseen Influences

When you’re born into this world, you are entirely at the mercy of your environment. You depend on your parents to feed, clothe, change your diaper, and protect you from outside forces. As you grow up, you learn how to behave in society, what to eat, when to eat, who you can rely on and trust, and you begin to see how your reality may differ from others. You start to learn how the world works and what your place in it is.

Here, you begin to take on the ideals, programming, stories, and expectations – or lack thereof – that may be enforced on you. With these firmly in mind, you then begin to form your own stories, ideals, morals, and expectations. This is where the mask-wearing begins: the stories, the lies, the feelings of shame, the confusion, and the crippling doubt. You start to act a certain way, dress a certain way, think and speak a certain way. Maybe you even people-please, hide your emotions, become compliant, quiet yourself, or grow seemingly needless and wantless. You did these things to survive, to "fall in line," to become the "perfect" child, so you didn’t receive punishment or experience abandonment. Or, on the flip side, so you could receive validation, safety, praise, and love.

None of these survival mechanisms are inherently "bad," and countless people around the world experience this type of upbringing. It got you through, or is still getting you through, adolescence. Even now, many years after birth, we are constantly faced with social media, the media we consume, peer pressure, and a plethora of other influences in our day-to-day lives. We are still confronted with conflicting messages that create even more internal discord within ourselves and in our relationships. Each exposure adds to the layers and layers of masks, creating a ridiculously narrow gaze and giving us only tiny eye holes through which to perceive our reality, skewing our perception and causing us to miss the full picture.

It is paramount to realize that this isn't your fault – none of it is. We are not here to point fingers or assign blame to any person or group. We are here, instead, to identify and uproot the programming and beliefs we’ve taken on, created, and worn as a badge of honor for so many years of our lives. Because if we don’t, no matter your life stage, do what we need to break these cycles, we run the risk of catastrophic breakdown, similar to a mid-life crisis. It is vital that you understand: allowing the same patterns to run their courses uninterrupted will do you no good. It will not help you feel any better about your life, where you’ve been, or where you're headed. Did you know that one of the most common regrets of the dying is that they wish they had done the things they truly wanted to do, and not just listened to the people around them? I don’t know about you, but that terrifies me. That makes me get up each morning and figure out how to pursue my dreams and embrace myself daily. Just thinking about being on my deathbed, full of regret for how I lived my life, truly terrifies me – and not many things do. (Yes, if you were wondering, that is my biggest fear).

So, let’s find ways to become more authentic in every situation, and take off these masks together, so that we may truly see this big, beautiful world we live in.

The Journey Back to Self: Pillars of Authenticity (How-To)

A. Self-Awareness: Listening to Your Inner Compass

The first thing you need to do is tap into your inner compass – your path back home. To achieve this, you need to observe your actions, thoughts, habits, and interactions without judgment. This is easier said than done, but it's not impossible. It can be achieved through journaling, meditation, intentional breathing, or simply by purely reflecting on your observations.

Something I was told when I first did therapy is that your thoughts are like a beach ball: they come, go, and bounce around. But when you try to shove that ball under the water and hold it there, all you’re doing is focusing on those thoughts, not truly enjoying your time at the beach or pool. When you take the time to reflect, just see your observations as what they are – observations, not good or bad, just thoughts, and some of those thoughts may carry emotions.

It can be more difficult to just observe these things when strong emotions are present; it may even feel impossible to connect on a profound level to your inner compass, intuition, or Higher Self. The important thing to keep in mind during these situations is to identify the strong, potentially triggering emotions and take note of their cause or, if possible, their root. This way, you can make a mental note, and when you get triggered again, you can choose to react differently. You more than likely won’t be able to do this immediately, but with time, observation, and acknowledgment, you will be able to course correct. Don’t beat yourself up when you "fail" – recognize that what you need is love and comfort, and only you can truly provide that for yourself. So, start somewhere. Look in a mirror and tell yourself you love yourself, hug yourself, caress your face, or even sing to yourself. The self-soothing possibilities are endless, but what you absolutely don’t want to do is run away from these feelings and distract yourself, because that will not benefit you in the slightest. Of course, if you need external help, seek out a safe space to express yourself. Being truly heard is a life-changing experience.

B. Radical Acceptance: Embracing All of You

The next thing you’re going to want to do, once you’ve recognized and acknowledged these triggers, is to understand that these are parts of you that need assistance. They could be past traumas from an earlier stage in life, or even recent events. Regardless, they are yours at the moment, and there’s no reason to feel ashamed and hide from them.

In these situations, as mentioned earlier, you can self-soothe and offer compassion in the moment of the triggers. You can also challenge your negative thoughts, similar to the way we can challenge our fears. Ask questions that dismantle the thoughts and provide evidence of their falsehood. This creates an easier path to the dismissal of thoughts, patterns, and behaviors that do not align with your truest, most authentic self. There is no "should," only now. 

You are here, and this is exactly where you are meant to be. I know that can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes, and it can be incredibly painful, but it is the truth. You wouldn’t be here, in this moment, right now, if it wasn't your path back home. That "should" voice is a liar and not here to serve you; challenge it and prove it wrong every time.

C. Setting Intentional Boundaries: Protecting Your True Energy

When you identify your current position and how situations affect your day-to-day, it is now imperative that you take all steps to protect your peace, mind, body, and soul. This can be done by implementing strong, yet not rigid, boundaries, as they may need to change as you grow and learn more about who you truly are. It is okay to say "no" to things that make you uncomfortable and feel gross within your body; it is not okay to say "no" to everything out of fear. There is a balance that you will find, and it takes time, energy, effort, and patience. The same goes for "yes" – if it isn’t a full-body "fuck yeah, let’s do this," then it’s a "no." You can use these internal gauges to build trust within your body and to create a stronger sense of self. I go into much more detail in last week's blog post, Radical Self Love is Your Deepest Trust.

For now, just know that if you have porous, broken, incomplete, rigid, or wishy-washy boundaries, you will experience discord within your being. This means experiencing burnout, resentment, body aches or illnesses, overwhelming confusion, and feeling disrespected. Take time to assess your needs; other people will not. It is important to advocate for yourself in every situation, regardless of how it might make the other person feel. You are your own best friend, firstly and lastly; no friend will come before or after you. You were born as you are, and you will die as you are.

D. Courageous Expression: Speaking Your Truth

The most powerful and final step I have for you today is to express yourself – your truth and your reality – without fear. Start with little things: maybe you don’t like the way a coworker makes or prepares your coffee, or a friend always seems to step on your shoes. Tell them how you feel. Don’t explode on them, but rather take a breath first and state how the action makes you feel. Let them know if it feels like disrespect or that they are doing the thing intentionally. Then, give them time to respond; this is how we converse and express ourselves to one another.

Now, if this person is outright disrespectful, putting you in danger, or causing some type of trauma to be inflicted on your life, they DO NOT deserve a conversation. You DO NOT need to explain yourself or beg for their forgiveness for them straight up disrespecting you. These are all situation-dependent and truly rely on you and your judgment. You will make mistakes, and you may act out of line, but remember that you are not perfect. You are human, and when we make mistakes, we need to acknowledge them for ourselves and the other person.

When we are able to live our values and trust that our deepest desires are meant for us, we open so many doors. We begin to fly, feel lighter, and have more peace in our lives. It is like a light switch has come on, and suddenly we can see in this dark room. We now know this room has windows, a bed, and a place for us to express ourselves; we just need to clean it up a bit, repaint it, and truly make it our own.

E. A Vital Word of Caution: Recognizing Gaslighting

I feel like I need to add this part for someone who is reading this right now: If someone is making you second-guess your memories, your reality, or your perception of a situation, they may be a gaslighter. You need to GET OUT of that situation before it goes any further. I have been through that, and let me tell you, the recovery is much more difficult than convincing yourself that you're the problem or that you're at fault.

Do not feed their ego! Save yourself. You are important. You are powerful. You have a life to live and love to give to people who care and love you more deeply than that person ever will. You are precious. You are loved. You are the only one who can be you. You are irreplaceable. And if no one has ever told you this a day in your life, let me be the first: I love you, I really truly do. I have put some resources at the bottom of this post if you need them.

Stepping Into Your Power

This journey of embodying your authentic self is not just a quest; it's a profound homecoming. It's about recognizing that the discomfort you've felt, the feeling of being trapped in that shrinking glass box, is your inner compass desperately trying to guide you back to your true North.

This adventure you are embarking on is a multi-level, lifelong, "century" quest, and you’re the only person who is able to take it. You are the only one who will directly receive the bounty from it; others may benefit from your level-ups along the way, but they will never appreciate it more than you will. The journey is tough and not a straight path by any means. It has turns, cliffs, double-backs, water, canyons, mountains, dense jungles, and plenty of wild animals that want you for dinner. But it doesn’t need to be difficult when you build that trust and gain access to your authentic self, your inner compass that will tell you where to go, when to turn, and when to turn back. Yeah, that sounds like a GPS, but your inner compass will always show you your true North, the way back home to you without a mask.

When we look at our masks and dive deep into their roots, their grip, and their insidious influence on our lives, we may find the very clarity we have been looking for—the clarity that helps us cope better with situations that might otherwise make us writhe in agony. This power to work in harmony with ourselves, rather than fighting against who we truly are, is the key to a blissful release.

Being authentic isn’t about perfection in the slightest; it’s about tapping into your own personal, fresh, ever-flowing spring that only you can drink from. It’s about learning who you really are and fostering a deep understanding that may not make sense to others, but you can’t see yourself without it. Being authentic is being real with yourself and the people around you. This is the way to true personal clarity, deep inner understandings, and a set of wings that will allow you to soar higher than any obstacle you may face. It provides you with an unbreakable self-trust and a divine sense of self-worth that transcends this plane of existence.

It is imperative that you take action for yourself. Stop taking on other people's needs, desires, and wants as your own. You are your own person, born with a purpose and a divine right to joy, peace, love, kindness, and abundance. No one can take that from you; it is your birthright! You are a powerful, energetic being who deserves to experience yourself fully, intimately, and completely. Don’t ignore the signs of discomfort; it is always there to teach you a vital lesson.

So, Adventurers, as you step forward, remember: your authenticity is your superpower. It's the path to deeper connections, unwavering self-trust, and a life truly lived without regret. Are you ready to unmask and truly soar?

That's all for this post, dear Adventurers. If this message brought you value or resonated with you, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. Remember, we're all on this journey together, and the more companions we help guide, the brighter our collective future will be.

I encourage you to share your thoughts in the comments below or reach out directly via my Contact Me page or social media accounts (linked in the site’s footer). If you feel called to support this work, I'd also deeply appreciate any monetary donation to help keep this site alive and improving. You can find the donation page linked in the site's footer. I truly look forward to connecting with you and reading your insights as I prepare for next week's adventure.

With Love,

Jamelah Luckett

Resources as Promised:

• Loveisrespect
• https://www.loveisrespect.org/ 
• 1-866-331-9474
• The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
• https://www.nami.org/
• 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
• The Crisis Text Line
• Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the US, anytime, about any type of crisis.