do not feel ashamed. This reluctance comes from hundreds, maybe even thousands, of years of conditioning; it is not your fault.

This mentality is precisely why we are breaking down this topic this week. We have the power to shed these limiting beliefs and step into our own strength instead of giving our power away to outdated fears.

In this post, we are going to dive into the root of the shame around desiring more, how to compassionately deal with that shame, and how to move forward to embrace your dreams. If you’re reading this, this message is meant for you, or perhaps for someone you know. So let’s lock in together. Get comfy, my dears, grab a pen and paper, because I have an exercise I want to introduce for you if you have no idea what you want, or are having trouble pinning it down.

Part I: Why We Suppress Our Deepest Desires

Often, we’re taught that resources are finite—that if we desire more, others will not get what they are promised. We are conditioned to shrink ourselves and want nothing, to keep quiet about our needs, yet simultaneously, give exponentially to others. Some of us are even taught that we are allowed to dream, but only to dream because those things could never actually be ours. We adopt these beliefs of limitation, truly believing that this is how it ought to be.

But how does that weight settle on your soul? You're here now because you want change. You want to pursue your best life—to embark on an adventure that takes you to a better existence. To start that journey, we must check in with ourselves and ask: What do I truly believe about my own life and potential?

This brings us to the core issue: Worth.

Your worth is an inherent birthright that only you determine. You may not be familiar with the idea that you are the only person who can determine your worth; you may know it intellectually but haven't fully embodied it, or you may be fully aware. Regardless of your level of understanding, it is important to bring this up because if you feel immense guilt or disbelief that you are unworthy of your desires, it is directly tied to this lack of self-worth.

You are born worthy of the life you desire, and no one else can determine that for you or take it away. You are not too much, you are not asking for too much, you are not a burden, you are not what other people say you are, and you’re certainly never too late or too early to receive.

You are a unique, beautiful individual who has a heart, soul, and mind of your own. Rejoice in your uniqueness, as no one can be you; they can try, but they will never experience what is meant for you. It is impossible for that to happen. There is plenty to go around, as the Universe is not on a budget and will aid you in all ways possible when you align with your desires. When you win, we all win, and you only add to the people around you by simply existing; that’s it.

Part II: Wants vs. Needs: Discerning Your Divine Blueprint

Telling the difference between your fleeting wants and your core needs is like learning to distinguish between your anxiety and your intuition. Your surface wants will often feel loud, obnoxious, panicked, fast, and constricting. Your deeper needs, however, will always present as calm, peaceful, expansive, loving, quiet, kind, and steady. Now, it is possible to ignore your needs for so long that they become loud, but that build-up is gradual, not sudden. For our purposes, we will only be looking at the baseline experience so you can form your own personal understanding.

Typically, a surface want is something like "I want ice cream right now," or "I want a yacht like that celebrity." Things on that level. Now, I’m not saying those things are bad to want, but they are typically not going to serve your highest good, your legacy, or your life on a deep, fundamental level, like desiring to have a more fulfilling life. These things are fleeting and impermanent; they can be taken from you at any point in time.

When you’re looking to level up your life, you need to think about who you see yourself as or want to be. This allows you to begin putting the ladder of your life together. Each rail needs to be parallel with the other, then each rung needs to be placed from the bottom up to help you reach your highest potential. It is a process that requires you to source your own materials, or in this case, information. Do you want a tall or short ladder? Do you want it to be made of wood, metal, or fiberglass? Maybe your ladder extends and leans on a structure or folds out to stand on its own. These all equate to the path you are willing to create for yourself; it’s up to you to choose.

When you are listening to what you need in order to make this ladder, the answers, inspiration, or even the help, it will all come subtly. Your fears may creep in and cause confusion, but remember that your body will contract with these fears. You may feel it in your gut, heart, head, chest, or it could be a full-body sensation. It is important to sit with your feelings to know where the root of them is. Is it fear and heaviness, or is it ease and light? Perhaps this quote I shared in the companion YouTube video can help you discern more clearly:

"If what you want is giving you FOMO, then it's more than likely Ego."

Your ego is only here to keep you comfortable and in the familiar, and that includes causing fear to make you shrink. The ego is not something to be abandoned, but in the context of change, your ego will do its damnedest to keep you from making that change. Even if your ego has to fabricate lies, it will; these lies can be seen as catastrophizing, pessimism, doubt, and limiting beliefs. There’s a study out that 85% to 91% of the things you are worried about will never happen. That’s well over half of the things! Where do you think these fears, worries, and mental stressors come from? If you just said ego, give yourself a pat on the back because you, my friend, are right.

When you have a need or desire for your life, it is important to realize that you thought about these things for a reason. You are seeing yourself as a high achiever, or living in bliss for a reason. I don’t believe in coincidences because I have grown to learn that everything has its purpose, despite our understanding of said purpose. For you to feel called to something so strongly over the course of your life, or even recently, is not something to take lightly; it is not some silly dream. It is your future, your life fulfilled. This, just like your worth, is not determined by anyone or anything outside of yourself. You wouldn’t be here if you were satisfied with other people telling you how to live your life.

Part III: Mindfully Aligning with Your Wants

To fully embark on this adventure, we must first acknowledge that we have desires and needs we want to get met. This is the obligatory beginning of every important and life-changing journey. Without acknowledging the desire as our own and one we want to pursue, we abandon ourselves and deny our true selves. So declare it to others, write it down, tell yourself, and be true. The most powerful thing you can do is recognize that you are worthy of these desires and act as if these things have already come to fruition.

When we focus on our desires, we should not only envelop ourselves in the physical aspect of the manifestation but also the feeling we hope to achieve through them. This is a key component to manifesting and will help to align your energy to that which you desire more efficiently. The outcome may not be as speedy as you hope for, but it will be the most aligned and efficient movement you have experienced on your journey forward. That might not be apparent until after, but I promise the wait is for your greater good.

While you wait, be sure to find aspects of your day that can bring you this desired feeling so that you actually want to continue and not just give up. I used to give up on things most of the time when I was younger; some things came back to haunt me, and I didn’t have much drive. Once I started pursuing my future and my dreams, I realized that it gave me the peace, joy, growth, and expression I craved so much. I believe in my dreams coming true so strongly that every day I wake up excited to see what I can do to embody that energy. Whether it’s journaling, painting, dancing, stargazing, yoga, drawing plans, or tending to my plants and pets, I feel elevated with each action that aligns with the future I desire for myself.

Showing up in this way leads to the formation of a positive feedback loop that stems from self-discipline. This discipline is a powerful form of self-love you provide to yourself (you can read more about it in last week's post, linked here). Because self-discipline is the most aligned action you can take when pursuing your goals, the positive feedback loop rewards yourself with that positive feeling, causing you to want to continue the action.

Of course, there are many different ways to reward yourself after an aligned action. Aligned action could be as simple as getting out of bed when you said you would. The only caution for this reward is to make sure it doesn't reverse the work you just put in. For example, running a mile and then eating a whole Jack in the Box meal (their food is extremely high in calories, look it up), or doomscrolling on your phone for two hours after finishing an hour of focused work.

From my experience, the things that bring me peace, ease, joy, expression, and creativity are all aligned with my dream life. I feel that is the most aligned and the most efficient feedback loop one could make for themselves. This allows you to always move forward in your future goals, even if the steps are small. Of course, this is my experience; yours will be different, and you may prefer to reward yourself in other ways. It’s whatever works for you.

At this point, you may have a solid understanding of what you desire out of life, or maybe you have no idea. Regardless of your range of understanding, there is an exercise I’ve found to be very helpful in getting more specific: the Japanese philosophy of Ikigai, meaning "reason for being." With Ikigai, you look at four key areas: what you love, what you're good at, what the world/society needs, and what you can get paid to do. When you write down the lists (and I highly recommend writing them down, as the brain processes information better when it can see it), you can then see what overlaps. If there is something that overlaps all four questions, then you have something that has the potential to make you deeply satisfied with your life. You have a very powerful reason to keep getting up each day and showing up as yourself.

This practice is great at any stage of your growth and is, in my opinion, also a form of self-discipline because you are taking the time to check in on yourself and what you are aligned with and willing to do. This act of checking in helps shape your perception of your future and helps you work through difficulties like forgetting your "why."

Conclusion: Desiring is the First Step

You are worthy of your desires, you have them for a reason, and they are your compass to finding yourself. You have a uniqueness about you that no one can ever copy or replicate. Understand that you are completely in charge of your own life and able to decide what it is that you desire and want out of your life; no one else gets to determine that for you.

Once you have that understanding, you need to give yourself the permission to pursue these desires and mindfully set up your positive feedback loop to best benefit you. Forming that loop is what keeps you wanting to grow and pursue the future you desire.

If you made it all the way to the end, I’d love to know: Is there a desire you have been hiding out of guilt that you are finally willing to commit to giving a "permission slip" this week? What simple, aligned actions are you willing to take today?

Until our next Mindful Adventure, my dear friends.

My goal is simply to be a vessel, sharing the lessons and insights from my own path in the hopes that they may serve as a guide on your own. If this message found you at just the right time and resonated with you, I consider our connection a profound success. Whether our paths cross just this once or intertwine beautifully, know that I am here as a comrade and a friend on this journey.

I truly hope you feel seen, supported, and hopeful as you continue on your way. You are welcome to share your thoughts in the comments below or reach out directly to me. If you feel called to support this work and its mission, you can find the donation page linked in the site's footer. I look forward to connecting with you on this magnificent adventure.

With Love and Light,

Jamelah Luckett

Link to Companion YouTube Video