and emotional clearing. There have been moments when I expected profound sadness or anger, and instead, a quiet stillness. But then, as my body readies itself, the true waves arrive.

This "lag" offers a vital window: it’s imperative that in moments where emotion seems absent, you seize the opportunity to rewrite the narrative of that story. Why? Because when you don't feel anything, it's easier to look at a past situation with radical objectivity, free from intense bias – even if you felt like the victim of life. This clear vantage point gives you a different angle to truly examine the invisible ties holding you back from your best life. It allows you to build unshakeable trust in yourself and become profoundly intimate with your intuition and inner guidance. This whole process helps you to truly let go, easing into your day-to-day with a greater sense of clarity, empowerment, and unwavering conviction.

Confronting the Shadows: Deep-Seated Fear & Trauma

Almost two weeks ago I was gripped by crippling fear, that inspired my post last week, my heart pounded, my breath became shallow, it was hard to breath, and I began to sweat profusely. I had only just begun to prepare for bed, powered down my computer, cleaned up my paints, washed my brushes, brushed my teeth, and changed into pajamas. None of that was relatively close to causing a panic attack at this scale. But what I know now is that 30minutes of panicking was only the beginning of a much more sophisticated emotional release, that my body had begun to physically manifest. The feeling was powerful, and though the initial panic had subsided, I felt the low rawr of the fear for the next 48 hours. I asked for help from my intuition, my higher self, and the Creator, but my fear overpowered any answer I might have received until I came across a video about letting go. I believe that video was brought to my attention because the fear was overwhelming, and I was swept up in the panic. In that moment, I had realized that the truth of my fear had not been addressed, and my mind fixated on the feelings rather than the truth. That truth was that I was holding on to something that was never mine to hold onto.

That Monday after I had a dream that profoundly illuminated my inner landscape. I found myself at a rundown lab on a tropical island, a place symbolizing my core self and creations. As an unexpected, dirty flash flood violently swept through the streets, I was faced with a stark choice: hold a crucial lab door shut against the overwhelming torrent, or let go and "surely die." With others paralyzed by fear or simply unhelpful, I instinctively wedged my shoe into the door's mechanism and held fast, the muddy water rising around me, debris narrowly missing my body. It was a visceral, terrifying struggle to protect what was vital within me.

When the deluge finally subsided, the sun began to pierce through the clouds, transforming the mud-covered streets and revealing vibrant street art on the buildings (a striking contrast to their initial dullness). A sense of immense relief washed over me. The lab, representing my inner world and projects, was safe, and a rainbow appeared over it—a powerful symbol of hope and transformation. This dream was a direct encounter with overcoming overwhelming emotional chaos and fear. It vividly demonstrated my inherent resilience, my steadfast ability to protect my inner peace and crucial projects even in the face of perceived overwhelming danger. It solidified the profound truth that deep breakthroughs often follow intense challenges, truly illustrating trauma recovery in action.

I had another dream two days later, this one more personal. I was confronted by a “clone” of my biological father who insisted that everything I said negative about my time with him was wrong and out of character. He had friends who insisted upon this. I left them and went back to my house, where I told my mom. Confused, she called my actual father, who was thrilled to see me. When he came to the house, he was very confused about this interaction and was wearing different clothes. I went back to the place I had left the other people with snacks and drinks to make it seem like I had never gone home. I gave them the drinks and snacks, and everyone seemed calm and collected. I then asked the clone a really profound question about one of our last times together, and he again dismissed me and my feelings. I ran away from them and back to my place, deciding to never go back. Yet the clone had followed me. I told them I had nothing I wanted to do with them, and my mom came out of the house and confronted the clone. My actual father came out of the house, and I woke up. This experience showed me my resolve in my boundaries and the frequency I was dismissed as a child. It exposed my pain and the lack of validation and support I had from the people who were supposed to protect and care for me.

It stirred up another dream from my childhood that has never fully left me. When I was three years old, I remember I had a dream about this skeleton. It was quick, but it was terrifying. The skeleton was jiggling in a way and was backlit with black and green lights. I remembered being terrified and scared of the dream and going to my family to talk to them about it. Most of them dismissed my fear, telling me my dream was silly, but it still deeply scared me. I wasn't afraid of skeletons, but something about this dream really unsettled me. I even asked my Great-Grandmother, who had dementia and wasn't fully cognitive at the time, about the dream, and she raised her eyebrows, though her eyes were still vacant. It was like her soul heard and understood my fear, but her body was unable to fully respond. It was my first nightmare, and almost no one took me seriously. Processing that feeling of being lost, along with the dream of my biological father dismissing my experiences really brought a lot of unprocessed emotions up to the surface. I never truly felt heard as a child, so I developed a fear of needing to be heard. Thus, shutting my voice down and every experience that validated my experiences only encouraged me to form a wall to hide behind.

Being able to look at all of these injustices, you'd expect me to become callous and feel like a victim, and for a while, I did embrace that. I buried my feelings, hid my thoughts and experiences, and built up a wall that no one could get through. As I began to look for ways to heal myself, I found that this is not the way, and I must learn to be myself again. That panic attack was a blessing! It brought up past feelings and pains that I hadn't considered or revisited. I began to see that I needed to make peace with my hurts because they still affected me. I needed to begin to rewrite my story.

Radical Self-Trust: The Inner Compass

If you've seen my two skits, you know I'm a firm believer in speaking with my Higher Self. This was a foreign concept to me only a few months ago; I genuinely thought my Higher Self was not truly me, or at least a distinct, separate part of me. My full understanding didn't truly click until about three weeks ago, during a Quantum Leap virtual retreat. While the group meditation itself didn't spark a strong immediate reaction, I felt an undeniable pull to go deeper into the aspects of my Higher Self. I put on some frequency music to help me focus and re-entered that meditative state. When I did, I was instantly met with the same luminous being I had seen in visions as a child—my Higher Self. She had no discernible face, but something about that was profoundly comforting to me. She cradled my head in her lap and gently stroked my face. Then, she pressed her "face" to mine and began to whisper, affirming that I am loved, protected, provided for, free, and precious. Her voice resonated like my own inner voice, yet I knew it was her speaking, not just my mind's chatter. I felt an incredible lightness wash over me as she continued to pour forth her love, assuring me how protected and guided I truly was. In that sacred moment, I realized something profound: I was not separate from my Higher Self; we were one unified entity. She is me, and I am her—one and the same. She will never leave me, always here, watching over me, guiding me, and providing unwavering encouragement every step of the way. I now have no reason not to trust her, as she desires only what is best for us, possessing a wisdom and foresight far beyond my current knowing, yet always willing to illuminate the path whenever I ask.

About five days ago, as I do most mornings now, I decided to speak with my Higher Self, but didn't immediately receive much feedback. This felt strange, but I chose to remain in silence for a bit longer. The morning prior, I had been confronted with intense memories from a past abusive relationship, memories that usually triggered profound anger and sadness. This time, however, I was met with a surprising neutrality. So, I worked through the memories, diligently beginning to rewrite my narrative right there and then. This day, though, proved to be a different experience. After about 15 minutes, I decided to get my day started, but as I took a few steps away from my bed, an immense sadness began to wash over me. Again, it was an overwhelming feeling that lasted for hours. I found myself crying even as I performed routine tasks around the house, and any time someone spoke to me, the tears would start anew. I consciously decided to sit with this feeling, allowing it to run its natural course. Feeling overwhelmed for most of the day, I opted to isolate myself until I felt better. I realized that I just needed to let this feeling be, and how I chose to handle it directly supported my processing. I decided I wouldn't do anything that required much mental effort, choosing instead to do my henna, which always brings me a sense of excitement. The entire process proved incredibly therapeutic, and its earthy aroma helped me settle further. By the time I was ready for bed, I felt a noticeable shift. The next day, I woke feeling refreshed, as if a part of me had been thoroughly cleansed. The dreams I had leading up to that day all exposed specific aspects of the pain I endured when I was younger, bringing those deeply buried feelings to the surface.

In the days that followed, I made a conscious and profound decision: to remain true to myself and my inner compass, regardless of what others may say, feel, or do. I affirmed that the most important thing I can do is to patiently wait for the blessings that have been promised to me, rather than settling for anything less than my dream life. I now have no reason to settle when I know what the Creator (Universe, Spirit, God, Divinity) has in store for me is far better than anything I could find on my own. They undeniably have my best interests at heart, possess wisdom I will never know, and can create doors and pathways I could never conceive of on my own. I have found immense peace in leaning into the void and fully releasing my false sense of control over my life. Every time I feel myself worrying about the future or pulling away from the present moment, I now consciously tell myself that everything will truly be okay. I can do this because I believe that the situation I'm in is exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I profoundly trust that the Creator is working everything out for my highest good. Even when I can't see it, even when I can't feel it, and even when it seems hopeless, I keep my faith close, because it is a direct blessing and soothing for my nervous system.

Resilience in Action: Navigating Life's "Awkward" Moments

In my current dwelling, despite loving the people I live with, I don't feel entirely free; I often feel confined, almost like a prisoner. My presence here, at times, feels more like a glue holding things together rather than truly complementing the situation. It brings me sadness to feel this way, and recently, this internal sentiment found a striking physical representation. Our old house number has begun to fall apart, yet the only digit still firmly attached is a '1'. I feel like that '1'—barely clinging to the deteriorating sign with my "pretty little finishing nail," swinging in the wind, enduring the rain. It seems to be doing its best, despite the other numbers failing to offer aid. While I'm not saying the people around me aren't helpful and encouraging, I do feel a significant pressure to keep it all together. However, through this experience, I've learned invaluable lessons in setting firm boundaries and, crucially, how to say 'no' to things I once would have agreed to, abandoning my own needs in the process. I have grown immensely here, and I don't regret this phase; instead, I rejoice in the emergence of a new, more empowered version of myself.

Because I know this isn't my destined home, and I've been clearly shown what my future holds, I've been meticulously aligning my actions with what my future self would do. When unexpected challenges arise, I deal with them head-on, at all costs. This has even meant returning to DoorDashing to cover bills, provide for myself and my pets, and sustain this site. I know this isn't forever, but navigating this temporary necessity is tough, especially when dependent on others' schedules. It's also a stark contrast to my deeper desires and future path. While Dashing doesn't offer the fulfillment I seek, I recognize it as a temporary, vital compromise. My soul no longer screams in protest as it once did; I've found a genuine peace with this decision. This isn't settling, nor is it merely being "reasonable." It's me consciously behaving in a way that directly supports my growth and development. To become my future, aligned, and higher-frequency self, I must embody that version of myself now. I cannot stay the same and expect change; that is, quite literally, the definition of insanity.

I've also decided it's time to begin packing my non-essential items, starting with my collectibles, books, trinkets, and other random things that occupy space in my closet and room. I feel an undeniable urge to declutter even more than I already have—a subtle yet powerful signal to myself and the Universe that the move is coming, prompting me to prepare even though I cannot yet see it. I will then begin to sort through my clothing again, donating items that no longer energetically align with me and packing those I have no immediate use for. Crucially, I will only pack when I am calm, cool, and collected. If I sense pressure, doubt, or misalignment, I will stop. I have no need to create desperation in my life. I am not desperate for what is already coming, what has been promised, paid in full, and sealed with a big, beautiful bow. The person I was just a mere week ago—who would panic, fight, obsess, and feel desperate over things promised—that part of me has truly left the building. What has replaced that part of me is a calm, steadfast cornerstone upon which I confidently build my future.

This profound clarity has arrived just in time, coinciding with the end of my menstrual cycle and the beginning of the next energetic phase. I am able to think clearly, feel lighter, and remain grounded in the present moment, even amidst struggles or moments of potential panic. This sense of relief has allowed me to fully embody these deep changes, much like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly. I've felt my wings dry, and I am now preparing for flight.

Stepping Forward with Unshakeable Faith

My life has always had difficulties in it, and I have always done the best that I could with the knowledge that I had. Now I am able to revisit these memories, moments in time, and see them from a more mature, realized, and empowered version of myself. I can offer myself forgiveness for my perceived “failures,” and I can offer forgiveness to those who really hurt me because they, too, were only doing what they could. This forgiveness frees me from the burden of victimhood and allows my mind to profoundly move on to a clearer headspace. It gives me a way to truly be present and connected with the moment. Here for my own adventure through life. More positively entwined with my own intuition, power, and higher self. I have been able to create a stronger love for myself than any wall I could have built to keep others out. More powerful and robust than any makeshift protection my child self could conjure up.

By going through these tough emotions and facing my fears head-on, building boundaries to budget my energy, finding my truth amongst the lies, and creating a strong self-love, I have aligned even more intensely with my future. Each time I choose to lean into my faith and reject anything less than I draw myself nearer to the future the Creator has in store for me. With every deep belly breath I take, I gain more clarity and more connection to the source of myself. I gain access to the person I was born into this world as, the person who knows all things will be provided for her, no questions asked, to simply be who I am. My ability to manifest is strong, and my faith is increasing each moment I choose it over fear. I am open and ready for my future, and I pray to receive it when I am ready so that I may hold it and cherish it as the beautiful gift it is.

Your life is precious, it is beautiful, and it is everything you need to reach the next level. You just need to have faith and become at peace with the things you cannot change. Your past does not define you, your present can always change, and your future is what you make of it. Don’t let fear hold you back and cause you to lose hope, lose sight, and become lost. You are truly a powerful, unique, magnificent being who has the ability to ask for help from within with clarity. Anyone or anything that tells you otherwise is lying to you, and they're probably miserable. Don’t let your fear or anyone else's fear hold you back from your best life. I promise the path to liberation is worth it, though it may not always be easy. Love yourself first, and the rest will fall into place.

That's all for this post, dear Adventurers. If this message brought you value or enjoyment, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. Remember, we're all on this journey together, and the more companions we help guide, the brighter our collective future will be.

I encourage you to share your thoughts in the comments below or reach out directly via my Contact Me page or social media accounts (linked in the site’s footer). If you feel called to support this work, I'd also deeply appreciate any monetary donation to help keep this site alive and improving. You can find the donation page linked in the site's footer. I truly look forward to connecting with you and reading your insights as I prepare for next week's adventure.

With Love,

Jamelah Luckett