that has been suppressed, abandoned, and denied to ever see the light of day. These may be self-inflicted, societally inflicted, or even family-inflicted aspects of ourselves that we lock away. When we shut these parts of ourselves away, we handicap ourselves from our own power, potential, and wholeness. Without them, we are not complete, and we are put at a disadvantage in our personal growth.

Though some of these aspects may seem distasteful, painful, or even secret, it’s important to realize that they are a part of us at a fundamental and basic level. They may bring up lots of difficult emotions, energy, or even memories, but it’s crucial to have compassion with yourself in any season of your life. It’s the compassion you show that will lead you to the other side swiftly and more pleasantly. We are human, we mess up, we’re not perfect, and we tend to be our biggest critics. So ease up with yourself and realize there’s only so much you can do in one day.

It is also vital to mention that ignoring these parts of yourself can lead to self-sabotage, projection (seeing our faults in others), and burnout, only making your life more difficult. This is because you are actively denying parts of yourself that come to the surface and pretending like they don’t exist, when in reality, they dictate aspects of your everyday life, goals, dreams, and relationships with others.

In this post, we will explore how to integrate the Shadow, embrace it, and become one with our shadow selves. This way, we are able to become whole, fulfilled, and present in ourselves. This shift is crucial in self-development and will require lots of effort, time, consistency, and self-discipline. I know if you’re here, you’re interested and willing to put in the effort for yourself.

So take these next few moments with me, grab paper, something to write with, and get comfy as we dive into The Unknown Within.

Part I: What Exactly Is Your Shadow?

The Shadow is often seen as the dark outskirts of your psyche—you don't visit it normally, and you ignore it like a disease you're scared to catch. When in reality, it's you.

It’s the part of you that you have ignored, avoided, and feel shame, anguish, or resentment for. This part of you feels like a foreign mystery only because we learned it was not okay through the actions or words of others. The Shadow is part of the nurture aspect of child rearing: we are taught what is and is not acceptable by our parents, family, friends, and society, and those external judgments become our internal thoughts and beliefs.

The Duality of Repressed Emotion

Things like envy, resentment, shame, anger, and impulsivity are often made out to be the problem, when in reality, they are simply part of us. Those are your emotions; they are not some foreign thing you shouldn't experience or feel. We are human, born to experience life, feelings, and emotions, and to learn from those experiences.

Even though deemed “bad” or "unacceptable," these emotions hold a positive lesson to them as well.

• We learn from our repressed anger and rage that we struggle with setting healthy boundaries.
• We learn from our repressed tears and anguish that we are deeply dissatisfied with our lives.
• We learn from our repressed inner child that we have abandonment wounds and need to strengthen our relationship with ourselves.

It’s important to listen to your body and the infinite messages it constantly sends you.

Where the Shadow Shows Up (Projection)

“How do we identify these repressed emotions and feelings?” I’m glad you asked, Adventurer!

The easiest way is to observe how you project onto others.

• Is there someone who constantly irritates you?
• Do you have days where you feel surrounded by jerks?
• Do certain situations with other people trigger a huge emotional reaction?

You are more than likely projecting your own emotions, actions, feelings, and beliefs onto them. This happens because our brains tend to see other people as we fundamentally see ourselves. How we meet ourselves is how we meet others. This is why people say when someone comes at you negatively, it is more than likely their dissatisfaction with their life and not yours. We don’t truly know how or what anyone thinks or feels on their level, because we are not that person.

The takeaway here is simple: what irritates you in others is likely a repressed part of yourself. This doesn’t make you less than or awful; it just makes you human. That’s why it’s important to identify and learn the best way to incorporate those emotions and aspects into our lives, as they represent a source of untapped potential.

Part II: The Gentle Process of Integration

First and foremost, safety is key in this process. You might find working with a trusted professional is the right route, or working on your own is what you prefer and can do safely. Either way, you need to identify someone or a space that is truly safe and non-judgmental for you.

If you confide in a non-professional, make sure this person genuinely loves and supports you. You need whoever you work with to be trustworthy, compassionate, understanding, and open. Remember: you are always the right person to show up for yourself, and usually the person you are looking for to save you is you.

Staying compassionate, loving, caring, and open with yourself through this process is crucial. You can’t meet your Shadow with distrust, hatred, shame, or frustration and expect to heal those same things within. Your Shadow Self is precious and valuable; you need to work with it with care and intention. The work can be intense and requires a safe space to express, release, and confront your own mind. It takes energy and dedication to invest that into yourself, but you are absolutely worth it.

Tool 1: Track Your Triggers (The Trigger Log)

Start by taking the time to identify what triggers come up for you, when they come up, and the circumstances surrounding them. You can write it down or make a mental note, but I highly recommend physically writing it out. That way, you remember better, and you have a physical record you can recall.

There might be patterns or underlying reasons for these triggers. For example, hormones are crazy things that can cause us to act irrationally (I mention this because my PMDD is linked to my menstrual cycle, causing intense triggers during those times). Track your triggers using an app, a planner, or a journal.

With each trigger, record what happened, what you felt, what you thought, or what you were talking about around that time. It becomes glaringly obvious when the trigger is linked to a Shadow aspect, as you will feel that familiar intense emotion or body sensation during your review.

Tool 2: Dialogue and Visualization

Once the triggers are identified, you can begin working through each one:

1. Meditate or Visualize: Meditate on the emotion or visualize the trigger as a figure. Ask it what it needs and simply sit in the emotion for a bit. This way, you offer compassion and approach the trigger mindfully. Take your time with this; it might take a while to figure out what the trigger is trying to communicate.
2. Deep Journaling: Journal everything that comes to mind when you think about why you refuse to look at or acknowledge that shadow part. Use the prompt "What if the trait I hate in others is actually a powerful tool?" as a starting point to figure out the lesson you are truly repressing.

You can use prompts like these to guide you:

• What are my defense mechanisms? How do they serve me, and how might they hinder me?
• What "negative" emotions (anger, jealousy, sadness) do I often suppress? How can I acknowledge them healthily?
• What qualities in others trigger me the most? What might this reflect about my own shadow?

Tool 3: Safe Emotional Expression

You can also find ways to safely express these pent-up emotions. If you feel angry, you could scream into, beat up, throw, or shred a pillow. When I’m so angry I feel like I’m going to pop, I take a long walk in the woods behind my house and scream, cry, yell, throw things, and sometimes run my way through those feelings.

What I’ve found through giving my anger a place to present is that there’s often more than simply anger involved. When you give your emotions room, you not only express them but also begin to move them. Our emotions are energy in motion, and when we repress them, they get trapped in the body and can manifest as trauma, aches, pains, and illnesses.

Embracing these feelings allows us to embrace ourselves in turn. When you open yourself to the transformation and freedom of embracing these shadows, you set yourself free each time you choose yourself.

Part III: The Power of Wholeness

Let’s talk about the energy you waste suppressing these shadows. When you actively suppress these aspects, or even choose to ignore them, you’re expending copious amounts of energy that could be put into other endeavors.

I was taught to think of it this way: You have an inflatable beach ball at the pool or beach. Instead of letting it float, come and go with the wind or surf, and just be a beach ball, you spend all your time and energy forcing it under the water. It becomes all that you do, enveloping your attention. You are no longer enjoying yourself in the water; you are solely focused on ignoring the ball. Your Shadow Self is the same way. When you repress it, you are expending more energy than if you were to just let it surface and find a healthy way to incorporate it into your life.

Reclaiming Your Energy

When you learn to integrate the Shadow, you reclaim that wasted energy for your goals, dreams, and purpose. You learn to harness that refusal—that energy you used to deny the aspect's existence—and redirect it to fulfill your highest vision.

To integrate the Shadow is to acknowledge it, own it, and learn to express it healthily, as we have been talking about. Acknowledge your jealousy of Laura from the third grade, acknowledge your shame in speaking your mind, acknowledge your anger about your job, and own it. I don’t mean parading around telling everyone these things, but come to terms with yourself, at the very least, that these are your feelings. When you do this, it becomes easier to get curious about where they come from and to recognize your triggers as they come up. To deny that the water bucket has a hole, as it fills your shoes, is foolish.

The Authentic Power of The Unknown

Owning these unsavory parts of you is crucial for an authentic life. Your Shadow Self is you! There is no true distinction between the two. When you embrace that aspect of yourself, you are operating at 100% capacity. When you operate at 100%, you open yourself up to all the possibilities and all of the things that align with your highest self.

This is what it feels like to be whole: accepting all of you at face value and not devaluing it. You hold the key to the potential, the door to the darker side of yourself—the part of you that is associated with The Unknown.

The Unknown is where all possibility sits; it is nothing, yet it can produce anything. Embracing this within ourselves opens us to embracing other unknowns and other voids where there is nothing, yet all can be yielded from. When you know yourself, you can trust yourself, and that trust sets you up for an incredible adventure that is the uncertainty of this life.

Conclusion: Becoming Your Full Self

Shadow work is not a short-term thing you do sometimes; it’s a lifelong commitment to profound self-discovery. It must be done with compassion, love, understanding, trust, and openness. Backing yourself up and allowing yourself to work through your repressed emotions at a pace that works for you is one of the most beautiful things you can do for yourself. This is an essential act of self-love and self-trust. Each time you decide to honor yourself in this process, you’re truly choosing your freedom from all that holds you back.

Your greatest power resides in the things you are suppressing and refusing to acknowledge, so take the time to meet yourself where you are before you question the people around you. Remember, projection works both ways, and you might just need to honestly see if you relate to the irritating behavior. So stay honest and authentic with yourself as you begin this process. You will no doubt begin to live a better life when you decide to embrace this part of you.

Your First Step into The Unknown

This journey starts now. To truly begin your path to wholeness, you must take that first step.

What is one "negative" emotion or trait you are willing to look at with compassion this week? Let me know in the comments!

Until our next Mindful Adventure, my dear friends.

My goal is simply to be a vessel, sharing the lessons and insights from my own path in the hopes that they may serve as a guide on your own. If this message found you at just the right time and resonated with you, I consider our connection a profound success. Whether our paths cross just this once or intertwine beautifully, know that I am here as a comrade and a friend on this journey.

I truly hope you feel seen, supported, and hopeful as you continue on your way. You are welcome to share your thoughts in the comments below or reach out directly to me. If you feel called to support this work and its mission, you can find the donation page linked in the site's footer. I look forward to connecting with you on this magnificent adventure.

With Love, Light, and Fire,

Jamelah Luckett

Link to Companion YouTube Video